Why Are We Losing Our Young People? A Millennial Litany

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Written by: 
Published:
September 30, 2016

Written by a millennial about church conditions: "Unity," A litany based on a whiny peasant.

LEADER: May we continue to discriminate against women without theological foundation for the sake of unity.

PEOPLE: Why are we losing young people?

LEADER: Let us make the literal six day creation a sacrament.

PEOPLE: Why are we losing young people?

LEADER: May we preoccupy ourselves with remnant theology in order that we may emphasize inquisition rather than acceptance, purification rather than love.

PEOPLE: Why are we losing young people?

LEADER: Let us pay lip-service to women and young people, while ensuring their voting power at our synods remains statistically insignificant.

PEOPLE: Why are we losing young people?

LEADER: Whenever our expression of worship, or expression in general, creates conflict, let us defer to the most orthodox views every time and lecture others on the importance of compromise and unity.

PEOPLE: Why are we losing young people?

ALL: God, what is wrong with young people?

ALL: Amen.

Brandon Herrmann is a passionate churchman.

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