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This I Vote: Spreading the Wealth

Neither candidate really needs to raise any taxes. America just needs to do the following:
1. Just cut wasteful spending. Reader’s Digest always has stories how government wastes money or gets defrauded. Remember the $100 hammers? Now, if they aren’t building a superbunker at Area 51 (as in “Independence Day”) with those hammers, just stop overpaying. Open contract bidding to more than just Dick Cheney’s former corporation.
2. Bring home military around the world (let everyone fend for themselves). This might wreck the local foreign economy for a while, but let them figure it out. In SF, they closed down the Presidio military base. Imagine all the money we’re just spending on flying packages for soldiers from home to some remote secret base. Just bring them all home.
3. Recognize George Bush sent more money to Africa to fight AIDS than even Bill Clinton ever did and eliminate that. Let Africans figure it out or allow nature to resolve overpopulation. After all, Bill Maher and the Reason Project ridicule “creationism” and think evolution is the bomb. Well, then, survival of the fittest should be allowed to go to its logical conclusion.
4. Legalize marijuana (and tax it) and stop the war on drugs. Ever watch “Traffic” – we’re not winning, we are actually making it worse. Decriminalize certain drugs. Criminalization has not hindered any drug abuse. In fact, assign certain regions (the non “pro-American” areas) as “New Jack Cities,” give moving coupons to those who want to move out for safety, and then give financial incentive to those drug abusers to move in, and then lock them in. Allow them as much drugs as they would like, and let them kill themselves. This can be considered passive euthanasia.
5. Stop the war on terror (we went to war on an idea and methodology? might as well go to war on fear or depression or partying). Instead, hold the world hostage with our nuclear arsenal, and tell them, give up these wanted individuals, or we will systematically drop these nuclear (non-conventional) bombs on one city per day until you do or until your entire nation is wiped off this earth. We already paid for these bombs, so might as well use them.
6. Privatize all prisons. We already have this happening anyway. Let the free market help private prisons compete to reduce recidivism rates by rehabilitation . . . the less recidivism, the more money we reward those prisons. Everybody wins.
7. Privatize all schools. Same idea as above. Everybody complains about the failure of public schools and the incompetence of public school teachers (not all of them, but don’t you just get tired of hearing about teachers who can barely pass the proficiency exams their students can’t pass?). No federal vouchers for private schools. If you can’t afford to send your kids to school, they don’t go. They get to work in the mines. That would give incentive for parents to work hard, not abuse drugs, etc. If they don’t want to do that . . . survival of the fittest.
8. Legalize and enforce euthanasia on all terminally-ill patients. All that money wasted on keeping a coma patient alive could pay for a lot of health insurance for others.
9. Bomb areas that are not “pro-American” so as to reduce the need to improve domestic infrastructure – all that money spend on collapsed bridges in Minnesota or elsewhere – they not even pro-American anyway, so give up on them.
10. Outsource our military projects to the People’s Republic of China for much cheaper (we wouldn’t need to take care of their traumatized veterans!). They’ve got a lot of soldiers! In fact, outsource the National Guard (although that would be a great irony). Establish a “French Foreign Legion” mercenary army . . . wait we’ve already got that going – Blackwater USA security who abuse their power in Iraq.
11. Chemically castrate all sex offenders (to reduce recidivism and associated costs to victims) . . . We used to do that in California years ago. Bring that back. That, or pump them full of Lunestra so they’re just too sleepy to assault anyone anymore.
12. Eliminate the manufacture and sale of cigarettes, because we spend more money on smoking than Russia of China spends on their military budget. If you want to be patriotic, and crush other superpower threats, discourage smoking.
13. Require everyone to move into urban projects, so no more cars guzzle gasoline: no more foreign oil dependence, less building materials (buildings are also the number one source of pollution), healthier people (I went to Manhattan where everybody walks – no fat people there!), etc.
14. Give every child an Xbox 360 or Sony Playstation or Nintendo Wii so they are too busy and tired to commit any crimes. We’d save so much money on juvenile detention, rehabilitation, and potentially nurturing career criminals – nip it in the bud.
Then, and only then, can America not have to raise any taxes, on Joe Sixpack or anyone else. We can also afford to reward Wall Street for unregulated and undisciplined greed. Let the good times roll.

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