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Almost News: New Adventist Church Potluck Rating System


In response to complaints that the “Find a Church” search function on does not provide visitors with enough information on churches around the world, General Conference Communication officials have decided to add a user-generated rankings system for each church’s potluck offerings. 

A simple 1-7 star scale (with 7 being best) will rate every congregation’s potluck based on the average of potluck attendee feedback.  Baptized church members will also have the option to leave specific comments on aspects of their dining experience ranging from the intensity of the fellowship hall’s cafeteria lighting to the perceived stinginess of servers rationing out portions of the more popular dishes.

“While we want to fully encourage healthy eating, we want to warn churches with overly vegan potlucks that they may be penalized for the lack of flavor in their dishes,” said Janine Kingsley, lead developer of the online potluck rating algorithm. “Weimar has already shown the world what happens when you try to serve horse feed to humans.  It’s not pretty.”

Kingsley added that “the only thing worse than a vegan potluck is no potluck at all.” She warned lazy congregations that churches that did not offer potlucks would simply not appear in searches.

Sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog

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