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Nameless, I Lie

Joseph and Potiphar's Wife

I remember the day he was brought into my master’s house, 
The lowest of the low.
He was so young,
Though two years older than I 
When I was chosen;
I remember thinking, “He won’t last long.”

A year later, and he’s turned into a man 
There is something different about him,
Something gentle,
As he learns my language and oversees my life.
I start to wonder
Does he think I’m pretty? 

He cares more than anyone I have seen
And he is the only one who truly sees. 
Of all the slaves, he is 
The only one
That smiles.
I can’t remember the last time my face did that. 

I’ve denied it too long;
I want what he has.
If only I did not belong to another.
Maybe he could teach me his effortless grace
And show me that sweet smile on his face. 
Maybe he could take me far away; 
Maybe he could take me home. 

I must catch him.
I must draw him in with the only thing I have,
The only reason I am here. 
Maybe with him, I won’t feel dead after. 
Maybe with him, I could actually be the first. 
Maybe with him, it won’t hurt. 

Joseph, oh Joseph,
Come to me and be what I need.
You are all that I desire 
You hold the secrets of life and the only real Love
I have ever seen.
Lie with me
So I can be free 

Why doesn’t he want me? 
They all want me; that’s why I was chosen. 
To be envied and desired by all.
Am I not desirable? 
I have to be, for if I am not, 
I am nothing. 

I must have his love 
Or I have no identity
I can never be truly me 
Yet he pushes me away!
He does not see me, as I have seen him. 
His God does not accept this mistress 
With no land, no name… 
So Nameless, I lie. 

And he is gone. 
My life is only dark again. 
Why did I not try harder? 
Why was I not just more desirable? 
Why did I let fear make my decisions? 
Why did I not just wait? 
I saw no other way
And he hates me now. 

So here I lie, 
Day after day
My breath slowly fading away
He had the only hope left
But one thought still plagues me, above others. 

What made him smile? 
His God? 
I would run to that temple now
And beg for Him to be mine,
But I know not the place. 
I know not His name. 
So Nameless, I lie. 

Lack of life, lack of hope
Squeezes my chest so I cannot breath
Even death holds no hope for me
I cannot follow my master
I cannot go down with my brothers 
Defiled by this Egyptian life
My beginning is naught and I have no after
Unless The Nameless One
In a Voice I yearn to know,
This is my goodbye.
Nameless, here, I lie.

About the author

Juliana McClair is a high school English teacher getting her masters in English at La Sierra University. She enjoys biblical studies and poetry, and hopes to go on to teach literature and creative writing at the collegiate level. More from Juliana McClair.
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