NAD Recruits Mormon Educators to Consolidate All Adventist Academies Into Mega-school

“Only a Mormon can save us now,” said North American Division Education Director, Alejandro  Sanders at a crisis meeting held this week. Faced with the challenging reality of Adventist boarding academies closing across the NAD, officials have decided to combine all remaining academies into one mega-school.

“Most of us on the administrative side of Adventist secondary education have fond memories of being out put on social in one of dozens of Adventist boarding academies during the 1960s,” said Sanders. “Sadly, that era of ballooning enrollment figures spread across scores of Adventist academies has come and gone.”

Sanders said that as the NAD has historically focused on an overly-diversified hodgepodge portfolio of academies, leaders have had to reach out to the Latter-day Saint community for advice on consolidation best practices. “We’ve scarfed down our share of humble pie lately but I’ve finally accepted the old adage that desperate times call for embarrassing phone calls,” said Sanders.

Although the NAD only reached out to Brigham Young University officials last week, a flock of Adventist educators has already toured the Provo, Utah-based campus and several LDS educational consultants have been hired to spearhead reforms at the NAD.  

“We are confident that the Mormon model of consolidating educational efforts resources into one large tertiary educational institution will hold the keys to the salvation of our academies,” said Sanders.  

He acknowledged that questions remain about where to locate a potential Adventist über-academy school and which brand of Adventism will be dominant. Sanders added that tipping his hat to LDS educational counterparts on the consolidation best practices had been a tough pill to swallow.

“It doesn’t mean they are right about anything else,” said Sanders.

Sevvy is a writer at the anonymously-authored humor and satire blog BarelyAdventist.com.