Ted N. C. Wilson did not become president of the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists until 2010. That is not to say he wasn't trying before that, according to the Adventist Caricaturist.

Fresh from Atlanta, 2010:

This was forwarded to me. Thus far, no one has been able to track down the author beyond the handle, Freeatlast. -AC

Twas the night before Sunday Law, when all through the sect
Not a creature was stirring among the elect
The tithe envelopes were placed near the chimney with care
Because withholding the tithe, well, no one would dare!

The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While the youthful scourge of self-abuse caved in their heads
And Ma in her reform dress and I in my cap
Had just settled down for our very last nap

In order to make room for all the new converts being harvested through Year of Evangelism efforts, the General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists has asked local churches to remove all members who read Spectrum.

Read all about it at: http://www.yearofevangelism.org/

The Adventist News Network reports the church is tightening its belt:

h/t Simone Samuels, admin for the global Oh, We Are the Pathfinders Strong Facebook group.

...Sunday just means work.
...A "friend" doesn't necessarily mean someone who likes you.
...You constantly have to tell people that you are NOT in Scouts or Girl Guides
...Most of your panty hoses (girls) or socks (boys) are black
...The word "track" doesn't correspond to weave/hair extensions or a race, but to paper you hand out as "evangelistic outreach"
...Sleep, especially at camp, is a precious commodity

Both of them are sturdy, adventurous and fun loving. Both have large engines and are equally at home on the streets or on rugged off-road terrain.

But if you had to choose just one, which Pathfinder would you prefer and why?

In a contest of speed, power and agility, which Pathfinder would you put your money on?

Due to recent low ratings, the 3ABN board recently voted 1-to-0 to approve a lineup of new prime time shows. At the eight o'clock p.m. slot, 3ABN will hook up with Kinship International to sponsor a new program entitled "Queer Eye for the GC Guy."

According to star and veteran Adventist producer, Klaus Etted, five people will roam the three floors of the Silver Spring General Conference complex randomly pulling out employees for a quick outfit makeover. "The time of the end is near for dull gray slacks, navy blazers, and flower ties," he promises.

Editor's Update: This video has now been viewed almost 112,000 times and was just featured on CNN Headline News as an online phenomenon (over 62,000 of those views came from this page)! If you haven't seen this genius bit of creatively vented frustration yet, read on.